Jon & Kate Plus Hate

Why does everyone assume that because I have twins I watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8?"

For the record, I've watched the show. When it was first aired as a special about the challenges of raising multiples I thought it was interesting. But then it morphed into a series and became like a bad accident that you can't take your eyes away from. At first the show was about managing the financial, physical, and emotional stresses of raising two sets of multiples. Cool. I get it. But now it's about how many freebies the family can schnore from their sponsors. An all-expenses paid trip to a five-star resort in Park City, Utah! A new Wii! A trip to Disney World! Clothes from the GAP! San Diego! Crocs for the entire family (at $30 each this is $240 just for the kids). A trip to Hawaii to renew wedding vows! Yipee!

And if you don't believe me about the freebies consider this. MY DAD even suggested I should get pregnant again and "like that lady on TV with all the kids." After all, she got a free tummy tuck out.

And does Kate even like her kids? Or her husband for that matter? Because it seems as though she is always bitching to them about SOMETHING. I finally started referring to the show as "Jon & Kate Plus Hate." In fact, I once told Dan that no matter what he thinks about me sometimes he could always be married to her. I pointed to the TV and there was Kate was extolling the virtues of organic lollipops. Because giving her kids an organic lollipop makes her a better parent than a heathen like me. . .who gives her kids Tootsie Pops and Dum-Dums. Oh the horror.

And for god's sake, WHY does she carry around PORTABLE POTTY's for kids?! If they are FOUR and potty trained? I thought the point of potty training was to teach kids how to use the damn toilet. I will do MANY things for my kids. But for the love of god and all things holy I PROMISE YOU that I will never schelp a plastic toilet anywhere. If my kids want to be "big kids" and wear "big kid underwear" then they can take a crap on the grown-up potty at Target like everyone else. End of discussion.

My hate of Kate is not about jealously. It's about the fact that they have professional lighting installed in their home to facilitate the taping schedule. It's that they exploit their children for financial gain. Apparently Jon and Kate used to struggle like the rest of us. And then they figured out it would be easier to cash in on their kids. And this my friends (supposedly) makes them parenting experts for moms of multiples.

I am not the first to have multiples. Nor is she. But I refuse to take parenting advice from someone who gets excited and takes a picture the first time their kid poops and then allows the experience to be televised. That's not good parenting. It's a therapists wet dream.