Abandoned

Since giving birth I feel abandonded.

When you are pregnant, everything is about you and the baby. Docotors, friends, family, colleagues, strangers on the street all want to know how YOU are doing. How YOU are feeling. Are YOU taking care of yourself? Are YOU staying off your feet? And then the baby comes. And for a few weeks there is some lingering concern about YOU. And once you hit six weeks postpartum and/or you can fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans it very abruptly stops being about YOU. And everything becomes about THE BABY.

It feels selfish to admit this. But it's true. You could be bleeding to death from orifice of your body in the middle of the intersection at Scottsdale and Shea and people would still stop to just look at the baby (or in my case, babies). Which is fine. And totally understandable. But as a new mom, what happens if you need something physically or emotionally? This is especially the case, I think, if you're nursing. Your PCP doesn't really know how to treat you since you're breastfeeding, the pediatrician is there for your kids, and the OBGYN gets to walk away once the baby pops out.

There seems to be a lot of attention within the medical community placed on moms and post-partum depression in the first few weeks after a baby is born. But what about mom (and dad too) a few months down the road? What happens when the magic of being pregnant and the newborn baby stage have long eroded and reality sinks in? Then what?

I'm not depressed. I know that. But I have my moments too. Adjusting to life with three, as wonderful as it is, can at times be hard. And there are times when I do feel like I was nothing more than a uterus-host for three kids.

I am not an attention seeking person by nature. I don't particularly like being the center of attention. I would much rather be orchestrating things from behind the scenes (where the power is!) than out in front. But I got used to being the center of attention for nine months and the transition back to reality has been bumpy.