If only men had to go to the gyno

It's a slow day.

I have to go to the gyno today. Which I am sure the entire world didn't need to know about but since four people read this blog as it is I have two words: who cares.

Everyone knows that I love my gyno. But the last time I was there I was sitting in stirups with my girlie-glory flapping in the wind when I looked at the doctor and said:

"You know, this is so humiliating. I think every man should have to do this."

To which he replied, "When I was in medical school they made us get int he stirups."

"Oh yeah? That's nice. By the way Dr. Carter, we're your pants on or off? Because if they were on it doesn't count. I could do LOTS of things in the stirups if my pants were on."

Game. Set. Match.

An Open Letter from the Twins to Daddy

Dear Daddy -

We love you so much.

We love it when you take us places.

We love it when you hold us when we cry.

We love it when you feed us and rock us afterwards.

We love it when you make silly faces at us so we can laugh.

But, Daddy, we'd love you a lot more if you knew how to tell us apart.

We're already four months old. Time to get with the program! Mommy used to think it was kind of funny. Now, not so much.

Happy Hanukkah!



Hannah and Abbie

Twin Update

I am exhausted. The twins went to the pediatrician today and then I went to Noah's school for their annual pajama pancake dinner. Which can basically be summed up as kids, sugar, and a DJ.

Here is the 4 month status report on the girls:

Hannah Eve
12 pounds, 6 ounces
24.5 inches

Abigail Eden
12 pounds, 1 ounces
24.5 inches

Both girls are in the 50th percentile for height and the 25th percentile for weight. How I ended up with such little peanuts is absolutely "BEYOND" me.

The quotations are a "shout-out" to my officemate Leslie.

Health-wise they are both okay, although the doctor has some concerns about Hannah. They want her to have more "tummy-time" because the back of her head is a bit flat. They are also concerned about the fact that she tends to lean her head to right side and as a result the muscles on the left aren't as strong. The remedy for that is some gentle massaging exercises.

She also need to have have an ultrasound on her hips. Why? When you lay her on her stomach the folds of skin on the back of her legs don't line up, which could be an indication that her hips are not developing properly, a condition known as hip displaysia. This condition is not uncommon in twins as there is only so much room in the uterus and babies become cramped which can inhibit growth. In the big scheme of things none of these are life threatening, but they are all things that need to be addressed. The truth is that things could be a lot worse.

Hannah also knows how to roll over from her stomach to her back and she is dangerously close to being able to roll over from her back to her stomach. It's impossible for her to keep her socks on and Dan and I are convinced that she is just itching to crawl and walk.

And then there is Abbie. So sweet. . . .she's just happy as a clam. She's close to rolling over too, but why bother when you are as cute as she is.

Don't Forget About Noah

As any second-time parent will tell you, preparing your firstborn for the arrival of the new baby (or in our case babies) can be come an obsession. We first told Noah about the pregnancy when I was 18 weeks along and knew that the girls were healthy and growing normally. After that, both Dan and I spent a lot of time talking to Noah about the babies and how our lives and household would change (for the better) once they arrived. As I often told Noah, he will always be special to me because he was my first baby and my son. And the girls will be special to me because they are girls and my second and third babies. We bought books about being a big brother. We bought him a special shirt to wear at the hospital announcing that he was the big brother. The babies bought Noah a special gift when they were born. It's hard enough going from one child to two, but imagine going from one to three. He's been the center of attention and the center of our world for four years and we've tried to be sensitive to the fact that having twins would be just as much an adjustment for him as us.





But something happened today that I hadn't anticipated. And it's something I should have seen coming.

Dan and I have gradually become accustomed to the attention we attract when we're out as a family. The girls are in that adorable baby stage where all you have to do is look at them and they giggle. We can't go out without someone stopping us to ask if they're twins and to make a fuss. And while it's flattering and well-meaning, it can also be embarrassing. Lately, when strangers approach us I politely smile and keep the conversation short. Last week someone insisted on talking to me about the girls as I was very obviously talking on the phone with someone. So it wasn't a huge surprise when a mom came up to us and started to make a fuss over the twins. I honestly don't remember what she said, but what I do remember is that Noah got upset. I believe his exact words were "what about me?"

What about me is right. I felt so bad for him. He's been protective of his sisters in the past when people have made a fuss over them. Once, at Target, he threw his body over the stroller and loudly announced, "these are MY sisters" when someone approached me. But this was different. He was completely ignored. And he KNEW it. And that's what broke my heart. My beautiful, handsome, smart, funny and precocious little boy was passed over by a perfect stranger because of his sisters.

Noah might look older, and he may have the verbal skills of an older child. But he's still four. And he gets his feelings hurt too. As parents, we do our best to make sure that he always knows that he is loved and that he is an important member of our family. But I am starting to wish that others were cognizant of that fact too. People don't have to fawn over him, and I wouldn't want that. I just wish that when strangers approach us to look at the girls they would take a half second to acknowledge their big brother standing next to me. Our children are all special in their own right, and we love them equally.

They don't have hair, but they smile!

They are just soo darn cute! And from what I understand, quite popular in preschool. And they're still little peanuts. They can't weigh more than 12 pounds. Well maybe, but they hide it well.

Abbie. . .

And Hannah. . .

Abandoned, Part II

So I've been trying to get a prescription filled for three weeks now.

The name and type of medication is irrelevant, but it's something that generally can't be taken during pregnancy. So I go off it when I get pregnant. With Noah, I didn't resume taking it until I was done nursing him. . . when he was about five months old.

I went to my PCP about two weeks ago and talked to them about getting it refilled. Because I am still nursing, they were not comfortable writing the prescription. They told me to contact a specialist.

So I called the specialist. About 10 of them actually. Good luck getting an appointment.

After mulling over my options and on the advice of a friend, I decided to call my OB. We talked. He emailed me some information about this particular drug and breastfeeding. I wrote him back with some questions and never got a response. So I did some research on the Internet, talked to my pediatrician, and made the informed decision that going back on the medicine while nursing would be safe for me and the girls.

On Monday I left a message for his assistant. I briefly explained the situation and asked for the doctor to call me. No response.

I called again on Thursday. Left a message with the assistant.

This morning I got a message from the assistant inquiring about the dosage. Said she didn't think it would be a problem since the fact that I had been on this medicine before was noted in my chart. She then called back and left me a message later in the afternoon saying that the doctor couldn't write the prescription because this wasn't his area of expertise.

I called her back and left another message. Apologized for the phone tag and said I needed to speak with her. Sat with the phone GLUED to my hand. Never heard back.

Is there anyone who is willing to step up and take responsibility?

I get that I am no longer pregnant. For one thing I can see my feet again. But if my regular doctor won't help me because I am nursing, and my OB won't help me because I am not knocked up, than who the hell and I supposed to turn to if I need something? Did he NOT remember the email or phone conversations we've had? I get that Dr. Carter is a busy guy, but at this stage in the game we're pretty hard to forget. Let's face it, the OB who delivered Noah wouldn't recognize me if I literally popped out a baby on his doorstep. But Dr. Carter would. Even with clothes on.

This is what I mean about feeling abandoned. I am so frustrated with the situation I am ready to just say screw it. Which is very UNLIKE me.

Disappointed

I have to be vague here since I have no idea who reads this blog (if anyone). But it's been suggested to me that because I write well I might want to use this forum to talk about my feelings more. So here goes.

I am just really disappointed today. I know that I should be grateful because I have been blessed in so many ways. I have a terrific husband, three gorgeous kids, my health, a job, and roof over my head. But I worry all the time. Especially about money. I feel like I've worked hard my entire life. I went to school, got my degrees (went into debt paying for them), got a job, and do my best every day. And for what? I miss my kids. And we struggle to make ends meet. I can't afford to quit and stay home (we considered it) but paying for daycare for three is just as much a challenge. I know that some of this is the industry that I am in. And I get that. But I feel sometimes that over the last 10 years I've watched everyone I know get ahead professionally and financially and I missed the boat. We don't live in a fancy neighborhood or drive fancy cars. We don't go on vacations or buy extravagant things But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't question why I went to graduate school. Because in the end, what did it yield me? I certainly don't earn much more now than I did without the degrees.

I know that some of this is because of choices I've made. Especially about family. And I know that others have it FAR worse than me right now. But when does it get easier? When do I/we get to catch a break for once? I'm trying to be positive, but damn is it hard. At the end of the day I wonder what's the point of working hard? Is what I'm gaining really worth it?

Jon & Kate Plus Hate

Why does everyone assume that because I have twins I watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8?"

For the record, I've watched the show. When it was first aired as a special about the challenges of raising multiples I thought it was interesting. But then it morphed into a series and became like a bad accident that you can't take your eyes away from. At first the show was about managing the financial, physical, and emotional stresses of raising two sets of multiples. Cool. I get it. But now it's about how many freebies the family can schnore from their sponsors. An all-expenses paid trip to a five-star resort in Park City, Utah! A new Wii! A trip to Disney World! Clothes from the GAP! San Diego! Crocs for the entire family (at $30 each this is $240 just for the kids). A trip to Hawaii to renew wedding vows! Yipee!

And if you don't believe me about the freebies consider this. MY DAD even suggested I should get pregnant again and "like that lady on TV with all the kids." After all, she got a free tummy tuck out.

And does Kate even like her kids? Or her husband for that matter? Because it seems as though she is always bitching to them about SOMETHING. I finally started referring to the show as "Jon & Kate Plus Hate." In fact, I once told Dan that no matter what he thinks about me sometimes he could always be married to her. I pointed to the TV and there was Kate was extolling the virtues of organic lollipops. Because giving her kids an organic lollipop makes her a better parent than a heathen like me. . .who gives her kids Tootsie Pops and Dum-Dums. Oh the horror.

And for god's sake, WHY does she carry around PORTABLE POTTY's for kids?! If they are FOUR and potty trained? I thought the point of potty training was to teach kids how to use the damn toilet. I will do MANY things for my kids. But for the love of god and all things holy I PROMISE YOU that I will never schelp a plastic toilet anywhere. If my kids want to be "big kids" and wear "big kid underwear" then they can take a crap on the grown-up potty at Target like everyone else. End of discussion.

My hate of Kate is not about jealously. It's about the fact that they have professional lighting installed in their home to facilitate the taping schedule. It's that they exploit their children for financial gain. Apparently Jon and Kate used to struggle like the rest of us. And then they figured out it would be easier to cash in on their kids. And this my friends (supposedly) makes them parenting experts for moms of multiples.

I am not the first to have multiples. Nor is she. But I refuse to take parenting advice from someone who gets excited and takes a picture the first time their kid poops and then allows the experience to be televised. That's not good parenting. It's a therapists wet dream.

Rethinking "Dry-Clean" Only

I have a favorite sweater.

It's a boiled wool, over-sized, maroon v-neck sweater. I bought in Indianapolis about 10 years ago in the men's department at the GAP. And I love it. And one reason it's lasted this long is because I live in Arizona and and I can count one hand (well, maybe two) the number of times I get to wear it each winter. It's the kind of sweater you cozy up in and wear when it's cold and rainy.

It wasn't cold and rainy this weekend, but it was cool so I put it on. We took the kids to an outdoor mall and listened to live music with both sets of grandparents. Everyone had a great time and all-in-all it was a fun night. Got home, fed the girls, bathed everyone, and started putting everyone to bed.

And then Hannah spit up all over me. And my favorite sweater. And now my sweater is sitting by the door waiting to be dry cleaned.

Just made me sad. And this is why I HATE clothes that are dry-clean only. You thought I would have learned my lesson with the bedspread.

Abandoned

Since giving birth I feel abandonded.

When you are pregnant, everything is about you and the baby. Docotors, friends, family, colleagues, strangers on the street all want to know how YOU are doing. How YOU are feeling. Are YOU taking care of yourself? Are YOU staying off your feet? And then the baby comes. And for a few weeks there is some lingering concern about YOU. And once you hit six weeks postpartum and/or you can fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans it very abruptly stops being about YOU. And everything becomes about THE BABY.

It feels selfish to admit this. But it's true. You could be bleeding to death from orifice of your body in the middle of the intersection at Scottsdale and Shea and people would still stop to just look at the baby (or in my case, babies). Which is fine. And totally understandable. But as a new mom, what happens if you need something physically or emotionally? This is especially the case, I think, if you're nursing. Your PCP doesn't really know how to treat you since you're breastfeeding, the pediatrician is there for your kids, and the OBGYN gets to walk away once the baby pops out.

There seems to be a lot of attention within the medical community placed on moms and post-partum depression in the first few weeks after a baby is born. But what about mom (and dad too) a few months down the road? What happens when the magic of being pregnant and the newborn baby stage have long eroded and reality sinks in? Then what?

I'm not depressed. I know that. But I have my moments too. Adjusting to life with three, as wonderful as it is, can at times be hard. And there are times when I do feel like I was nothing more than a uterus-host for three kids.

I am not an attention seeking person by nature. I don't particularly like being the center of attention. I would much rather be orchestrating things from behind the scenes (where the power is!) than out in front. But I got used to being the center of attention for nine months and the transition back to reality has been bumpy.