If only men had to go to the gyno

It's a slow day.

I have to go to the gyno today. Which I am sure the entire world didn't need to know about but since four people read this blog as it is I have two words: who cares.

Everyone knows that I love my gyno. But the last time I was there I was sitting in stirups with my girlie-glory flapping in the wind when I looked at the doctor and said:

"You know, this is so humiliating. I think every man should have to do this."

To which he replied, "When I was in medical school they made us get int he stirups."

"Oh yeah? That's nice. By the way Dr. Carter, we're your pants on or off? Because if they were on it doesn't count. I could do LOTS of things in the stirups if my pants were on."

Game. Set. Match.

An Open Letter from the Twins to Daddy

Dear Daddy -

We love you so much.

We love it when you take us places.

We love it when you hold us when we cry.

We love it when you feed us and rock us afterwards.

We love it when you make silly faces at us so we can laugh.

But, Daddy, we'd love you a lot more if you knew how to tell us apart.

We're already four months old. Time to get with the program! Mommy used to think it was kind of funny. Now, not so much.

Happy Hanukkah!



Hannah and Abbie

Twin Update

I am exhausted. The twins went to the pediatrician today and then I went to Noah's school for their annual pajama pancake dinner. Which can basically be summed up as kids, sugar, and a DJ.

Here is the 4 month status report on the girls:

Hannah Eve
12 pounds, 6 ounces
24.5 inches

Abigail Eden
12 pounds, 1 ounces
24.5 inches

Both girls are in the 50th percentile for height and the 25th percentile for weight. How I ended up with such little peanuts is absolutely "BEYOND" me.

The quotations are a "shout-out" to my officemate Leslie.

Health-wise they are both okay, although the doctor has some concerns about Hannah. They want her to have more "tummy-time" because the back of her head is a bit flat. They are also concerned about the fact that she tends to lean her head to right side and as a result the muscles on the left aren't as strong. The remedy for that is some gentle massaging exercises.

She also need to have have an ultrasound on her hips. Why? When you lay her on her stomach the folds of skin on the back of her legs don't line up, which could be an indication that her hips are not developing properly, a condition known as hip displaysia. This condition is not uncommon in twins as there is only so much room in the uterus and babies become cramped which can inhibit growth. In the big scheme of things none of these are life threatening, but they are all things that need to be addressed. The truth is that things could be a lot worse.

Hannah also knows how to roll over from her stomach to her back and she is dangerously close to being able to roll over from her back to her stomach. It's impossible for her to keep her socks on and Dan and I are convinced that she is just itching to crawl and walk.

And then there is Abbie. So sweet. . . .she's just happy as a clam. She's close to rolling over too, but why bother when you are as cute as she is.

Don't Forget About Noah

As any second-time parent will tell you, preparing your firstborn for the arrival of the new baby (or in our case babies) can be come an obsession. We first told Noah about the pregnancy when I was 18 weeks along and knew that the girls were healthy and growing normally. After that, both Dan and I spent a lot of time talking to Noah about the babies and how our lives and household would change (for the better) once they arrived. As I often told Noah, he will always be special to me because he was my first baby and my son. And the girls will be special to me because they are girls and my second and third babies. We bought books about being a big brother. We bought him a special shirt to wear at the hospital announcing that he was the big brother. The babies bought Noah a special gift when they were born. It's hard enough going from one child to two, but imagine going from one to three. He's been the center of attention and the center of our world for four years and we've tried to be sensitive to the fact that having twins would be just as much an adjustment for him as us.





But something happened today that I hadn't anticipated. And it's something I should have seen coming.

Dan and I have gradually become accustomed to the attention we attract when we're out as a family. The girls are in that adorable baby stage where all you have to do is look at them and they giggle. We can't go out without someone stopping us to ask if they're twins and to make a fuss. And while it's flattering and well-meaning, it can also be embarrassing. Lately, when strangers approach us I politely smile and keep the conversation short. Last week someone insisted on talking to me about the girls as I was very obviously talking on the phone with someone. So it wasn't a huge surprise when a mom came up to us and started to make a fuss over the twins. I honestly don't remember what she said, but what I do remember is that Noah got upset. I believe his exact words were "what about me?"

What about me is right. I felt so bad for him. He's been protective of his sisters in the past when people have made a fuss over them. Once, at Target, he threw his body over the stroller and loudly announced, "these are MY sisters" when someone approached me. But this was different. He was completely ignored. And he KNEW it. And that's what broke my heart. My beautiful, handsome, smart, funny and precocious little boy was passed over by a perfect stranger because of his sisters.

Noah might look older, and he may have the verbal skills of an older child. But he's still four. And he gets his feelings hurt too. As parents, we do our best to make sure that he always knows that he is loved and that he is an important member of our family. But I am starting to wish that others were cognizant of that fact too. People don't have to fawn over him, and I wouldn't want that. I just wish that when strangers approach us to look at the girls they would take a half second to acknowledge their big brother standing next to me. Our children are all special in their own right, and we love them equally.

They don't have hair, but they smile!

They are just soo darn cute! And from what I understand, quite popular in preschool. And they're still little peanuts. They can't weigh more than 12 pounds. Well maybe, but they hide it well.

Abbie. . .

And Hannah. . .

Abandoned, Part II

So I've been trying to get a prescription filled for three weeks now.

The name and type of medication is irrelevant, but it's something that generally can't be taken during pregnancy. So I go off it when I get pregnant. With Noah, I didn't resume taking it until I was done nursing him. . . when he was about five months old.

I went to my PCP about two weeks ago and talked to them about getting it refilled. Because I am still nursing, they were not comfortable writing the prescription. They told me to contact a specialist.

So I called the specialist. About 10 of them actually. Good luck getting an appointment.

After mulling over my options and on the advice of a friend, I decided to call my OB. We talked. He emailed me some information about this particular drug and breastfeeding. I wrote him back with some questions and never got a response. So I did some research on the Internet, talked to my pediatrician, and made the informed decision that going back on the medicine while nursing would be safe for me and the girls.

On Monday I left a message for his assistant. I briefly explained the situation and asked for the doctor to call me. No response.

I called again on Thursday. Left a message with the assistant.

This morning I got a message from the assistant inquiring about the dosage. Said she didn't think it would be a problem since the fact that I had been on this medicine before was noted in my chart. She then called back and left me a message later in the afternoon saying that the doctor couldn't write the prescription because this wasn't his area of expertise.

I called her back and left another message. Apologized for the phone tag and said I needed to speak with her. Sat with the phone GLUED to my hand. Never heard back.

Is there anyone who is willing to step up and take responsibility?

I get that I am no longer pregnant. For one thing I can see my feet again. But if my regular doctor won't help me because I am nursing, and my OB won't help me because I am not knocked up, than who the hell and I supposed to turn to if I need something? Did he NOT remember the email or phone conversations we've had? I get that Dr. Carter is a busy guy, but at this stage in the game we're pretty hard to forget. Let's face it, the OB who delivered Noah wouldn't recognize me if I literally popped out a baby on his doorstep. But Dr. Carter would. Even with clothes on.

This is what I mean about feeling abandoned. I am so frustrated with the situation I am ready to just say screw it. Which is very UNLIKE me.

Disappointed

I have to be vague here since I have no idea who reads this blog (if anyone). But it's been suggested to me that because I write well I might want to use this forum to talk about my feelings more. So here goes.

I am just really disappointed today. I know that I should be grateful because I have been blessed in so many ways. I have a terrific husband, three gorgeous kids, my health, a job, and roof over my head. But I worry all the time. Especially about money. I feel like I've worked hard my entire life. I went to school, got my degrees (went into debt paying for them), got a job, and do my best every day. And for what? I miss my kids. And we struggle to make ends meet. I can't afford to quit and stay home (we considered it) but paying for daycare for three is just as much a challenge. I know that some of this is the industry that I am in. And I get that. But I feel sometimes that over the last 10 years I've watched everyone I know get ahead professionally and financially and I missed the boat. We don't live in a fancy neighborhood or drive fancy cars. We don't go on vacations or buy extravagant things But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't question why I went to graduate school. Because in the end, what did it yield me? I certainly don't earn much more now than I did without the degrees.

I know that some of this is because of choices I've made. Especially about family. And I know that others have it FAR worse than me right now. But when does it get easier? When do I/we get to catch a break for once? I'm trying to be positive, but damn is it hard. At the end of the day I wonder what's the point of working hard? Is what I'm gaining really worth it?

Jon & Kate Plus Hate

Why does everyone assume that because I have twins I watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8?"

For the record, I've watched the show. When it was first aired as a special about the challenges of raising multiples I thought it was interesting. But then it morphed into a series and became like a bad accident that you can't take your eyes away from. At first the show was about managing the financial, physical, and emotional stresses of raising two sets of multiples. Cool. I get it. But now it's about how many freebies the family can schnore from their sponsors. An all-expenses paid trip to a five-star resort in Park City, Utah! A new Wii! A trip to Disney World! Clothes from the GAP! San Diego! Crocs for the entire family (at $30 each this is $240 just for the kids). A trip to Hawaii to renew wedding vows! Yipee!

And if you don't believe me about the freebies consider this. MY DAD even suggested I should get pregnant again and "like that lady on TV with all the kids." After all, she got a free tummy tuck out.

And does Kate even like her kids? Or her husband for that matter? Because it seems as though she is always bitching to them about SOMETHING. I finally started referring to the show as "Jon & Kate Plus Hate." In fact, I once told Dan that no matter what he thinks about me sometimes he could always be married to her. I pointed to the TV and there was Kate was extolling the virtues of organic lollipops. Because giving her kids an organic lollipop makes her a better parent than a heathen like me. . .who gives her kids Tootsie Pops and Dum-Dums. Oh the horror.

And for god's sake, WHY does she carry around PORTABLE POTTY's for kids?! If they are FOUR and potty trained? I thought the point of potty training was to teach kids how to use the damn toilet. I will do MANY things for my kids. But for the love of god and all things holy I PROMISE YOU that I will never schelp a plastic toilet anywhere. If my kids want to be "big kids" and wear "big kid underwear" then they can take a crap on the grown-up potty at Target like everyone else. End of discussion.

My hate of Kate is not about jealously. It's about the fact that they have professional lighting installed in their home to facilitate the taping schedule. It's that they exploit their children for financial gain. Apparently Jon and Kate used to struggle like the rest of us. And then they figured out it would be easier to cash in on their kids. And this my friends (supposedly) makes them parenting experts for moms of multiples.

I am not the first to have multiples. Nor is she. But I refuse to take parenting advice from someone who gets excited and takes a picture the first time their kid poops and then allows the experience to be televised. That's not good parenting. It's a therapists wet dream.

Rethinking "Dry-Clean" Only

I have a favorite sweater.

It's a boiled wool, over-sized, maroon v-neck sweater. I bought in Indianapolis about 10 years ago in the men's department at the GAP. And I love it. And one reason it's lasted this long is because I live in Arizona and and I can count one hand (well, maybe two) the number of times I get to wear it each winter. It's the kind of sweater you cozy up in and wear when it's cold and rainy.

It wasn't cold and rainy this weekend, but it was cool so I put it on. We took the kids to an outdoor mall and listened to live music with both sets of grandparents. Everyone had a great time and all-in-all it was a fun night. Got home, fed the girls, bathed everyone, and started putting everyone to bed.

And then Hannah spit up all over me. And my favorite sweater. And now my sweater is sitting by the door waiting to be dry cleaned.

Just made me sad. And this is why I HATE clothes that are dry-clean only. You thought I would have learned my lesson with the bedspread.

Abandoned

Since giving birth I feel abandonded.

When you are pregnant, everything is about you and the baby. Docotors, friends, family, colleagues, strangers on the street all want to know how YOU are doing. How YOU are feeling. Are YOU taking care of yourself? Are YOU staying off your feet? And then the baby comes. And for a few weeks there is some lingering concern about YOU. And once you hit six weeks postpartum and/or you can fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans it very abruptly stops being about YOU. And everything becomes about THE BABY.

It feels selfish to admit this. But it's true. You could be bleeding to death from orifice of your body in the middle of the intersection at Scottsdale and Shea and people would still stop to just look at the baby (or in my case, babies). Which is fine. And totally understandable. But as a new mom, what happens if you need something physically or emotionally? This is especially the case, I think, if you're nursing. Your PCP doesn't really know how to treat you since you're breastfeeding, the pediatrician is there for your kids, and the OBGYN gets to walk away once the baby pops out.

There seems to be a lot of attention within the medical community placed on moms and post-partum depression in the first few weeks after a baby is born. But what about mom (and dad too) a few months down the road? What happens when the magic of being pregnant and the newborn baby stage have long eroded and reality sinks in? Then what?

I'm not depressed. I know that. But I have my moments too. Adjusting to life with three, as wonderful as it is, can at times be hard. And there are times when I do feel like I was nothing more than a uterus-host for three kids.

I am not an attention seeking person by nature. I don't particularly like being the center of attention. I would much rather be orchestrating things from behind the scenes (where the power is!) than out in front. But I got used to being the center of attention for nine months and the transition back to reality has been bumpy.

Twin Mom's Top 15 List of Questions

Here is one Twin Mom's "Top 15" list of questions. I kid you not I have been asked EVERY question. Except my responses aren't as witty.

15. "I could never do it."
Oh really. What would you do? Would you put them on the curb with signs around their necks that say, "Free to a good home. My mom can't do it."?

14. "Do they have different personalities?"
No. They are the same human being divided into several parts.

13. Said by a stranger, "They're identical, right?" Mom answers, "No. They're fraternal." Stranger response, "They are NOT!"
OK. You're right. I have no idea what I'm talking about. These are not my children. I thought it would be fun to borrow them from a mom down at Baby Gap. It's been more than an hour. I guess I should return them.

12. "Are they 'paternal' twins?"
Yes. They have a father. There was only one virgin birth.

11. "Just wait till they're older. It only gets harder."
Thank you. I woke up this morning hoping I'd receive a word of discouragement while pushing a cart of preschoolers down the cereal aisle.

10. "When one cries, does he wake the others?"
No. Multiples cannot hear each other's cries because they all communicate with their special telepathic language only.

9. From a perfect stranger: "Were they in the same sac?"
Hello. Nice to meet you, too. Will you be sharing your gynecological history with me as well?

8. "Are they developmentally behind?"
Well, let's see. They're 3 years old and thus far, all their graduate school applications have been denied. We'll get back with you on that.

7. "How do you do it?"
Haven't you seen the Nike commercials?

6. "Are they natural?"
Nope, their arms and legs are made of silicone.

5. "You must be SO busy."
Are you volunteering to clean my house?

4. "Did you take drugs?"
Well, there was this one time in college....

3. "What do you do when they all cry at the same time?"
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I go to Starbucks.

2. Said to a mom of boy/girl twins: "Are they identical?"
Uh. Not exactly.

And No. 1. Drum roll please. . . .

1. After a stranger had been informed that the toddler boys were twins, she asked a simple question:

"Are they brothers?"
Enough said.

Is he not the most handsome little boy?

This is Noah's school picture. I know I am his mother, but is he not the most handsome little boy you have ever seen?

It's like a secret club

Having twins that is.

So I got an email through Facebook from an acquaintance who grew up with my sister. She is having twins and we share the same doctor. In fact he told her to look at my blog which I think is pretty cool. So now this person and I are chatting over Facebook and I want to hear all about her and her pregnancy. And I also hope to get together with her soon to talk more.

I've started to notice that when I meet someone else with twins or someone who is having twins there is an instant connection. It's as though we're all members of the same secret club. I immediately have this urge to talk to them and as about their kids, their pregnancy and everything in between.

For example, Dan and I took the girls to Costco over the weekend and there was a mom with 21 month old twin girls in her cart. I looked curiously at her, and she looked curiously at me. And from there we just started talking to one another. When were they born? Are their fraternal or identical? How are you sleeping? Do the acknowledge one another?

It's a completely different experience then when Noah was born. Only someone who has had twins can truly understand what it's like. Does that make sense?

Good intentions

I had EVERY intention of posting a long and witty update last night. And then I came home from work.

Long story short, Hannah has a cold and was all stuffy. And didn't want to sleep. She screamed bloody murder for two hours. I ended up driving around town with her for 30 minutes trying to get her to calm down. And with gas hovering around $1.87 this is once again a a reasonable solution. The good news is that the car calmed her down. And I discoverd the Holy Trinity of fast/casual dining in one location: A Pei Wei, a Qdoba and a Paradise Bakery all located on Glendale Ave. Yeah me!

The bad news is that she slept like shit the rest of the night and I was up most of it with her. And now I am trying to get motivated to take a shower and pump so I can go to work.

More to come later. I PROMISE!

Proud

I am proud to live in a country where hope has a voice.

Where an African-American man (with the middle name Hussein) can be elected President.

Where children can truly grow up to be anything they want. Even President.

Democracy isn't perfect. And the outcomes are not always what we want, hope, or expect. But last night's election was historic and I am glad that I was around to witness it.

Our Girls

The Princesses. . . .

Hannah is on the left, Abbie is on the right. Whenever we take pictures we have to make a mental note of who is who.

Spoke too soon

Abbie just vomited all over me. Joy.

Pictures Part III

Here are some Noah pictures too. Including one of Noah bitching at me at the museum today because I had the NERVE to take his picture. Call CPS. I hate to admit it, but he is SOO my child!

Pictures Part II

Pictures of Hannah

Enjoy!

The Long Awaited Baby Update

Long story short, the girls are doing GREAT!

At their "not quite" eight week appointment last week Hannah Eve weighed it at 10 pounds (50th percentile), which is impressive when you consider that she was the smaller twin at birth. Abigail Eden is 9 pounds 6 ounces (25th percentile), and both girls are 22 inches long. What's still strange for me is how much smaller they are compared to Noah at the same age. Noah wore newborn clothes for about a week. These little girls are just now outgrowing those clothes. The both eat every 3-4 hours and are both taking nothing but breastmilk. I am still pumping, but only about 4-5 times a day and never in the middle of the night. With this schedule I am pumping more than enough for the girls plus some for the freezer.

The girls have both licked their issues with jaundice but they have developed a new, more fun medical issue. Reflux with bouts of projectile vomiting. Noah had issues with reflux but his was more in the form of uncontrollable crying fits. The girls will fuss, but they're more into projectile vomiting. Fun times all around. The vomiting is unpredictable (although it ALWAYS happens if I am wearing black) but once they get it out of their system they're fine. They went from getting 1 tsp. of rice cereal in their bottles to 2 tsps. And as of Friday they also get 1 mil of xantac twice a day. We also learned that even though we have twins, and the girls were given the same prescription for the same medicine with the same dossage, it's still two seperate scripts. Does that make sense? For some reason I thought they would just give us one big bottle.

Sleeping. We seem to be doing very well in this area. Generally speaking, Hannah and Abbie sleep through the night. They don't do it every night, but often enough that it has had a positive impact on the entire household. We've also discovered that often one will wake up to eat but not necessarily the other. Monday night Hannah slept like a champ and Abbie woke up at 4am to eat. Both girls then slept until 7:30am. The last two nights they've bother slept from 10'ish until 7'ish. This is huge, and as a result, I feel terrific myself.

What else can I tell you? I don't know when I am going back to work but it will be sometime in the next month. It's bittersweet, because I've LOVED being at home with all three kids and at the same time I know that I need to get back to work. I feel like there is chapter of my life closing (pregnancy/newborns) and another is just beginning (real life with twins). I know the girls will be well cared for, but still. Noah's preschool has been closed for the Jewish holidays off and on for the last few weeks and I've loved getting to have play dates with other moms/kids and do special things with him. Yesterday he went with a friend to the zoo and today we went with another friend to the children's museum. I'm also hanging out with people that ordinarily I don't get to see because of my work scheudule.

Any-who, here are some recent pictures. All of these are of Abbie. :)

A little sad

I packed up my maternity clothes today. I desperately need to clean out my disaster of a closet to asses what I have. . . what fits, what's stained, what's worth keeping, etc. It's a big task, so I thought I would start small by just going through what's hanging up and by packing up the maternity stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that the twins are here, but I am a little sad that the pregnancy is over. I liked being pregnant. And while I would secretly LOVE to have another baby, it's probably not going to happen. But I cannot, and will not get rid of the maternity clothes. At least not right now. For the time being they are packed in a diaper box and will go in the storage room.

**Sigh**

As for the update. My computer just about crashed yesterday and my dad has been working on helping me salvage everything. Part of it was a memory issue, which is why I haven't uploaded pictures onto the blog. . .due to the memory problem I couldn't download them from my camera. But have no fear. This is going to be a pretty lazy weekend so I will update.

Crying Pictures

I know I am LONG overdue for an update on everything that's going on but I wanted to share the following picture with everyone in honor of my college friend and fellow blog mommy, Muriel. Someone left an anonymous comment on her blog about the fact that she posted pictures of her kids crying, because she should had picked them up and comforted them.

Whatever.

So I am posting this picture. Which I LOVE! It was taken at a birthday party in June 2006 when Noah was about 20 months old. He is flipping his shit because I put a birthday party hat on his head. Given his reaction, you would have thought that I had stolen his birthday cake. And for the record, he was "comforted" and has since turned out FINE!

Kids talk too much

Ever see the granola bar commercial where the kid goes up to the bride and says, "my mom can't believe you wore white?" (If no, click HERE to watch it).

That kid could VERY easily be MY kid.

We went to swim lessons tonight and Noah went the front desk to check in. The girl behind the counter asked him if he had already received his birthday cookie. I said yes, and Noah proceeded to tell her that today was my birthday. At which point the conversations went something like this:

"Today is my mommy's birthday and I sang to my mommy and my mommy went to get her hair cut and colored for her birthday because she doesn't want to to look old."

This was all said in one long, deep breath. And it was probably way more information than the kids behind the counter wanted.

And yes, I did get my hair done for my birthday and it looks FABULOUS!

And my hairdresser, in her expert opinion, thinks that the girls might be red heads like their mommy because their eyebrows are so fair. Score!

My Baby is FOUR!

My baby is FOUR today!


I can't believe how much time has passed. I know that every parent thinks this about their children, but Noah is such a wonderful little boy and there is nothing I take more joy in than watching him grow and change. Last night, completely unpromoted by me, he put his arms around me, kissed my cheek, and said, "mommy, I love you." Needless to say, I melted.

In honor of his birthday, I thought I would share his birth story. Enjoy!

I had a very normal and blissfully uneventful pregnancy. I am also living proof that you can be dilated and effaced for weeks without labor being imminent. At my 36 week appointment my doctor told me that I was 1-2 cm and 50% effaced. I walked around like this until Wednesday, September 8th, which was my 39.5 week visit. My doctor told me that I was 3-4 cm and 90% effaced and he stripped my membranes to see if that would speed things along. At the time, he thought that I would have Noah within the next few days but just in case he told me to make an appointment for the following week. His EXACT words were “I don’t think you’ll need the appointment but you better make it. If you don’t, you’ll probably need it.” I made the appointment, Dan’s mom flew out and we waited. Nothing happened. I went back to the OB on September 15th, hot and tired of being pregnant, and we decided to schedule an induction for Monday, September 20th.

I was 100% convinced that Noah was not going to come on his own. Dan and I had tried every trick in the book to induce labor (sex, spicy food, raspberries, pineapple, walking) and nothing worked. I woke up on Saturday, September 18th and noticed that I was having strange stomach pains. I went the entire pregnancy without having any Braxton-Hicks contractions so I wasn’t sure if this was labor or not. The contractions were noticeable, but not painful, and at the time they did not seem very consistent so I went about my day. That afternoon Dan and I went to the movies with our moms and my sister and during the movie the contractions were getting a bit stronger but were still somewhat irregular (Silver City, terrible flick BTW). We got home at 4:30 p.m. and I went into the bedroom to lie down. Dan was supposed to work that night and to be safe I decided to time the contractions.

The contractions were irregular (4 minutes apart, 7 minutes, 5 minutes, etc.) but they were getting more and more painful and lasting for about a minute each. I called Dan into the room at 6’ish and told him that we needed to call the doctor because I thought it was time to have the baby. By the time we got organized and got to the hospital it was about 6:45 p.m. and the contractions were coming one after the other and they were VERY painful. At 7:30 p.m. the nurse examined me, said I was 5-6 cm, and started the paperwork to get me in a room. I said I wanted an epidural.

The worst part of labor for me was waiting for the epidural. I was having 2-3 minute long contractions, still one right after the other, which made me vomit a couple of times (sorry, TMI). I kept making the nurse promise me that the anesthesiologist was physically in the building and on his way to my room. By 9pm I had received my epidural and I felt better almost immediately. I was SOO relaxed and for me it was worth every penny ($1,666.00 to be exact). I was complete by 9:30 p.m. and the nurse told me I did not have to push if I didn’t have the urge. So I didn’t. I got the urge to push at 10:30 p.m. so we got started. Those of you who know me know that when I get nervous I get chatty so the I was have a ball getting to know my nurse in between pushes. At the same time, my sister kept poking her head in the curtain to see what was going on. She was getting anxious in the waiting room so we finally invited her to come and watch the show. After about an hour of pushing and talking I decided to get serious about delivering Noah. I put my mind to it and Noah bounced into the world on Sunday, September 19 at 12:29 a.m.

And today, he is a my happy, healthy FOUR-year old.

I grope myself

Since I am nursing/pumping breast milk for the babies leaking boobs is a real issue. My body and pumping routine is such that I can go several hours without pumping, if necessary. When the babies were first born, I pumped every 2-3 hours. Now I can last 5-6 hours if I am in a pinch.

But when that happens, I find myself touching my chest. . .making sure that nothing is coming out that could cause me to be embarrassed publicly. I started doing this at Noah's class party on Tuesday. Thankfully there were plenty of other moms there who knew what I was doing and didn't care. I did it today at my parents, and yesterday at Toys R Us.

Seriously, someone is going to think I am pleasuring myself. I guess my social graces have fallen to the wayside.

An observation

How is it that:

I am the one who gained all the weight.
I am the one who swelled up the like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
I am the one who literally went to the bathroom every 20 minutes for three months straight.
I am the one who was unable to sleep through the night for three months striaght.
And I am also the one who pushed out TWINS in 10 mintes.

And yet, I don't have a SINGLE picture of just me with my girls?

I have pictures of everyone else with the babies. And most of these pictures are beautiful.

But NONE of me.

Something is VERY wrong here.

I live with the Baby Whisperer

When Noah was an infant he struggled with reflux. In order to make him feel better (among other things), he slept in his car seat most of the time because it allowed him to sleep upright.

For the first three weeks of their lives, Hannah (a.k.a. Hannah-belle or Hannah-Boo) and Abbie (a.k.a. Abber-doodle) have been pretty good sleepers. We swaddled them in the blankets we swiped from the hospital (those crappy stripped blankets are awesome!) and put them down. Well, in the last week they've figured out how to break out of the swaddle so we've started using the SwaddleMe Adjustable blankets. They were working, but in the meantime we determined that Abbie also has reflux and when she fusses Hannah will sometime join her. It's made for some less than pleasant nights.

So Dan, in his infinate wisdom, says, "Why don't we put them in the carseats." Talk about an epiphany.

For the last two nights the girls have eaten around 8-9pm, again around 12:30 a.m. and then not again until 5-5:30 a.m. This may not seem like a big deal but it's HUGE for Dan and I. Midnight'ish until early morning is a nice chunk of sleep. In fact, Abbie slept from 12:30 a.m. until 8:15 a.m. this morning. I even tried to wake her to eat with her sister around 6am and she would not budge.Dan wants me to refer to him from now on as the "Baby Whisperer."

Hannah-Belle

Abber-Doodle

My peas in their pods.

How we tell the girls apart

Just about every day I get asked how we tell the girls apart. Let's just say it's hard.

Hannah has a small strawberry birthmark on her stomach. And wears a tiny bit of pink nail polish on her toe.

We also JUST discovered tonight that Abbie has an over shaped birthmark on her tushie.

And my mom wants to know why we don't dress the girls alike more often. We don't because they look VERY similar.

But since my mom keeps asking, tomorrow I am going to dress them alike. Because she is babysitting. Let's see how well she does at telling the girls apart.

In other news, the girls went to the pediatrician today for their one month check up. Hannah weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds 6 ounces and 21 inches. Abbie is 8 pounds even and 20.5 inches. Hannah also is getting a 48 hour holiday from breast milk and a trip to the hospital for blood work because she is now jaundiced. Apparently I have an enzyme in my milk that causes it. I am sure this will be the first of MANY things that they blame me for in therapy.

And now a word from Elsie. . .

This is how I feel every 3-4 hours. Round the clock. Like Elsie the f***ing cow.

I pump because breast milk is better for babies and because the girls are/were preemie's and probably are benefiting more from the breast milk than formula. I also pump because while Hannah and Abbie did seem to take to the breast better than Noah ever did, they were still preemie's and it was taking them longer to get used to latching onto the breast itself. Since I have the patience of a preschooler, it was easier for me to pump and give them them milk. I also pump because I am a WEE BIT competitive, and I pumped for six months with Noah. In all likelihood I won't be able to pump as long with the twins, I still feel compelled to give it the old college try.

Dan thinks I should consider quiting. Feeding twins is stressful as it is, especially when I am alone in the house. Pumping adds another 15-20 minutes to the process. Plus pumping in the middle of the night sucks. But it's also a good time to catch up on my TV shows as I DVR stuff and then watch it while I pump.

I know that I am doing for my kids, but it in no way shape or form changes the fact that I feel like a cow. If you think I am kidding you are more than welcome to come over and watch. I wonder if cows leak, too?

The Baby Update

Both girls are doing really well. As of last week Hannah was 6 pounds 12 ounces and Abbie was six pounds 14 ounces. This is wonderful when you consider that both girls have exceeded their birth weights.



Hannah tested positive as a carrier for cystic fibrosis and as a result we're going over to Children's Hospital in a few weeks for a something called a sweat test. The test will see if she actually has the disease but it's unlikely given that Dan is not a carrier. According to our pediatrician, if you test positive as a carrier the sweat test is required by the State. I'm not looking forward to the test, but I'd rather go through the test and know that she does not have the disease. The reality of being a carrier is that when she gets married her partner will need to be tested, especially if he is Jewish since cystic fibrosis is often found in Jews of Eastern European descent (which we are).



And then there is Abbie. He jaundice numbers started inching up again and she also seemed to have a hard time tolerating breast milk. The solution for both these problems (which are unrelated) is to temporarily take her off breast milk and give her formula. While she seems to tolerate the formula better, it smells terrible and has made her constipated. Fun times all around. We also get to take her back to the hospital on tomorrow (Saturday) for yet more blood work. It's just one of those things I guess.

In Noah news, the kids were talking about the people in their family this past week. The teacher asked Noah who was in his family and he went into great detail talking about his mommy, daddy, and dogs. He forgot about his sisters until prodded by his teachers. Oops.

Cheese Making: Our New Hobby

So, I noticed today that Hannah smelled funny. I sniffed around and thought it was me actually. And then I sniffed so more and realized that the rancid odor was emanating from my gorgeous daughter's neck. Apparently breast milk has rolled into the skin folds around her neck and, well, now we have cheese.

It's disgusting. And I am embarrassed. Although obviously not that embarrassed since I am posting it here. You could call it family tradition since my mom said the same thing happened to me when I was a baby.

Needless to say, I got a washcloth and tried cleaning her. And bath's are in the near future of both babies.

The Birth Story: Toby's Version (with pictures)

Since Hannah and Abbie arrived three weeks ago today, I thought it was appropriate to FINALLY finish and publish their birth story. With pictures.

Monday, August 11
I worked a half-day and had more or less decided at that point that I needed to start maternity leave. I had a non-stress test later that day as well as an OB appointment, but I was 35 weeks pregnant at that point. Between the heat, and the size of my growing belly, the physical demands of a twin pregnancy were taking the toll. I literally had enough energy every day to go to work, and maybe pick Noah up from school. It was difficult to walk, stand, and do much of anything. I figured I would wait and see what Dr. Carter had to say and then make things official later in the day.

At my appointment with Dr. Carter, my blood pressure was a little high and he told me that I was 3 centimeters dilated, 50% effaced, and he stripped my membranes hoping that would start something. I also begged him to put me out of my misery and delivery these girls. He told me that he doesn't like to induce before 37 weeks without reason, but he wants to keep and eye on my symptoms (specifically my blood pressure) and see what happens. He also told me to come back on Thursday, August 14 at 9am. A day that he's on call. When he said that, I started to think that maybe we'd be having these babies soon.

Thursday, August 14
Per Dr. Carter, I went for a non-stress test at 7:30 a.m. I made Dan come with me, and Noah went to my parent's house since we (re. I) was hoping/praying to be induced. I even packed my bag and brought it in the car. I was so excited about the possibility of being induced that I couldn't fathom that it might not happen. . . that I might have to wait a few more days. To say I was anxious was an understatement. I really thought I was going to lose it if a decision was not made to deliver the girls.

The NST was fine and when we went to the office at 9am there were big pads draped over the exam table which made me think that today was the day. Maybe my water was about to be broken? Dr. Carter examined me, said that he was still concerned about my blood pressure, and told us to proceed over to the hospital for an induction. To say I felt relief was an understatement. We talked about the risks involved and, according to Dr. Carter, the risk to my health of staying pregnant outweighed the benefits to the baby. In addition to the swelling of my feet and hands, he was concerned about me developing toxemia or pre-eclampsia. At this point, we giddily made our way back over to the hospital. We also called our parents and let them know what was going on.

Got to the hospital around 10-10:30. We were quickly whisked into a room and the fun got started with pitocin. But there were a few snags along the way.

The IV: It REALLY hurt when it went in, it was not very comfortable in my hand. Because I had so much swelling in my hands the nurse was worried that she might have perforated the vein. We left the IV where it was but she told me that if my hand/arm started to swell they would have to move it. Well, about two hours into the induction my hand started to burn and it was determined that the IV needed to be moved. Once it was moved I was fine.

Monitoring/breaking of the water: When you have twins you have to get two babies on the monitor, which is hard considering how much they move around. And if you're on pitocin they absolutely have to be monitored in case there are complications. Problem was that we couldn't get both babies on the monitor. They kept moving me into different positions and by the time they got the babies on the monitor I was in such an awkward position that they wouldn't stay on the monitor. The nurses wanted to put an internal monitor on Baby A, but to do so meant breaking my water. It was about 1:30pm and Dr. Carter didn't want to break my water until after office hours were over (5'ish) because "he wanted to see what I could do on my own." I think he was hoping that by waiting it would break on it's own. After some back and forth between his office and the nurses, another doctor at the hospital came in to break my water so we could monitor the babies. I was told that it would feel like "an aggressive internal exam." I don't know what it feels like to be sexually violated (thankfully) but I have to think it feels similar to having your bag of water broken. Let's just say that "aggressive" is a polite term and leave it at that."

The Epidural: I made it crystal clear to Dr. Carter and the nurses that I did NOT want to feel anything with this labor. I wanted the maximum amount of drugs allowable by the State of Arizona and I wanted them administered in the parking lot, if possible. I felt pain delivering Noah. And I didn't feel like I need to relive the experience this time around. The way I see it, whether you have drugs or not, the reward is still the same: a healthy baby. You don't get a gold star for being a martyr and doing it drug free.

My contractions at this point are not very painful (or noticeable) but contractions tend to pick up in terms of frequency and intensity once your water is broken. So Dr. Lu, the anesthesiologist was summoned shortly after my water was broken. Here's the thing, I personally think that THE WORST PART OF GIVING BIRTH is getting the epidural. I know that might scare some people, but the epidural freaks me out more than the idea of pushing out a baby. Perhaps it's the fact you're in pain and they are putting a large needle into my spine while at the same time saying "don't move!" Anyway, Dr. L came, put the epidural in, and it didn't take. They kept asking me if my legs felt warm and I wasn't sure how to answer them. Dr. Lu offered to repeat the epidural and I declined thinking that it would magically kick in. Well, we waited and waited (all of 30 minutes) and to make a long story short we had to repeat the epidural. I guess they did it twice because I was having twins, right? That's the bad news. The good news was that it worked well enough the first time that it didn't hurt nearly as badly the second time. Once it was in, I understood what they meant about feeling warm. My entire lower body was numb and warm. Not a bad feeling. At this point I was having regular contractions and not feeling anything. My idea of labor.

By about 4:30-5pm things were great. I couldn't feel any of the contractions, which were getting stronger and more regular, I had Internet access in the room, and Dan and I just relaxed and watched TV. Around dinner time Dr. Carter came to check me (YEAH!) and I was about 6cm dilated. He then left to go have dinner with his wife (a pediatrician also on call. I asked if I could get two Dr. Carter's for the price of one). My parents came by with Noah and I was thrilled to get to visit with them. Everyone then left for dinner and then I had some quiet time to myself.

I should mention here that the only thing I was allowed to eat during this process was ice chips. Which was fine, except for the fact that I was craving water. When you're thirsty, which I was was despite the constant IV fluid drip, all you want it a big gulp of water. And looking at the jumbo bottle of water from Costco sitting on the table was making me crazy. Seriously, I have never wanted water so badly in my life. Around dinnertime I was offered a small cup of apple juice because my blood sugar was dipping, but even then I was told to sip, not guzzle. And when those 8 ounces were gone I wasn't allowed more.

Dan's mom arrived from California around 7pm and she was just happy to have have made it before the babies, as we had called her that morning when we were on our way to the hospital. Eventually, Dan and I settled in with our mom's for the evening. And because I was the one in labor I got to hold the remote so we watched the Olympics (gymnastics, women's all-around. Under-age Chinese girl with tacky blue eye shadow). The nurse checked me at 9:45 p.m. and told me I was 9 cm and said she would be back in hour to check me again. Now I started getting excited. Progress! Well, progress comes with a price because during this time my beloved epidural from Dr. Wu also started to wear off on my left side which meant I was now feeling the contractions. I was able to give myself a few extra jolts of medicine from the pump next to my bed but it still hurt. As a result, I starting watching the clock WAITING for someone to come check me.

At 11:15 I was checked (finally!) and I was 10cm. Now this is when things started getting really interesting. The next 15 minutes were filled with doctors and nurses getting me ready for the operating room (in case there were complications Dr. Carter wanted to be able to get the babies out as fast as possible, which is why I delivered in the OR instead of in my room). Dr. Carter came and talked me (about what I don't remember) and there was just a lot of buzzing around me. I do remember one conversation: because it was so close to midnight Dr. Carter wanted to know if we were aware of the fact that the babies MIGHT have two different birthday's depending on when they were born. He asked if we had a preference one way or another and Dan and I were adamant that they be born on the same day. I envisioned spending the next 18 years explaining to people that yes, we have twins, but they have different birthdays. Ummm, no thank you.

Around 11:30 p.m. I was wheeled into the OR. The trip to the OR was exciting. The process of being moved from the bed to the operating table bordered on humiliating. What little modesty I had left was gone, I can't move anything from the waist down, and physically, I am HUGE. It took a small army of people to move me. Although the medical staff could have cared less, I was mortified. I literally closed my eyes and waiting for the humiliation to end. Dan told me it wasn't a big deal at all, but I was embarrassed nonetheless.

Dan was next to me in scrubs and I remember that there was really good music playing in the OR (classic rock). Major props to whomever made that selection. Everyone was busy doing their thing and before I knew it I was told to push. A side note, I pushed for two hours with Noah and was determined not to repeat that again. When I was told to push this time, I pushed like there was no tomorrow. Literally MINUTES later, Hannah Eve arrived at 11:54 p.m. and weighing in at 6 pounds, 4 ounces. I remember pushing, and then feeling her body slip underneath my pelvis and then out my body. It was surreal and the rest of the delivery went by in a blur. Within minutes I was being told to push again, and again I pushed like no tomorrow. By this point it was dangerously close to midnight and I was determined that both girls to have the same birthday. As with Hannah, I felt something slip underneath my pelvis and then out my body. This time it was Abigail (Abbie) Eden at 11:59 p.m., weighing in at 6 pounds, 7 ounces.

No wonder I was so miserable being pregnant, I had over 13 pounds of baby inside of me!

Each girl had their own team of pediatricians and there was a neonatologist in the middle going between the two. I don't remember his name, but Dan said he was really nice. It was like something from the Discovery Channel, with each baby being whisked away by a separate team. I delivered the placentas (I'll spare you the pictures but if you're interested let me know) soon after and then in a blink of an eye it was over. I had a bit of tearing (not unexpected) and then we just waited for the babies to get checked and cleaned up. Dr. Carter at this point did something which I thought was very cool. Since he had finished things up on his end, he took the camera from Dan and started taking pictures of us with the newest members of the family. In hindsight I am so grateful that he did this because now I have pictures of myself with the girls and Dan too.

Once we got the "all clear" that the girls were okay I was wheeled back into the room where my mom and Dan's mom were waiting. Dr. Carter was still behind the camera so I commented that it was like being chased by the paprazzi. When we got back to the room all of the doctors and nurses said the same thing. That they could not believe I delivered twins naturally (no c-section) and that I did it so quickly. In the end, I pushed for about 10 minutes, and this includes the break we took in between Hannah and Abbie. Apparently the idea of having twins with two different birthday's was a strong motivator. We got settled back into the room with everyone fussing over the babies (our mom's were LITERALLY tickled pink). The nurses got me settled and two things happened. I got to guzzle an entire bottle of water and I got to eat a much earned midnight snack (hot dog and salad with more water).

And that my friends, is how Hannah Eve and Abigail Eden came into the world.

Before

Before, side view

9 cms.

Hannah Eve

Abigail Eden

Dan and the girls

Me and my water

First Bath

With Dan at Sunday basketball, I was desperate for something to keep Noah entertained that did not involve playing on the computer (which he already had done) and/or NOGGIN. So with assistance from Noah, we decided to give the girls their first bath. Here are the key learnings from the experience.

Hannah is not a fan of bath time. At all. Cried the entire time. Although she loved being in the swing afterwards.

Abbie loved bath time. She sat there and did not make a sound. We also found some cheese growing underneath one of the skin folds in her neck. Needless to say, I will be more careful from now on when feeding her.

Noah was a fantastic helper. At least at first. After the first baby was done he got bored and went into our room to watch cartoons. I guess if you've seen one bath, you've seen them all.

Miss Hannah

Miss Abbie

Hannah in the swing

Pumping. No, the other kind.

When I went to pick Noah up at school today his teacher stopped me to tell me how proud she was of Noah who learned how to "pump" today.

I was mortified with visions of Noah sitting in the loft area of the classroom demonstrating to the other kids how mommy pumps breastmilk for his new baby sisters.

Apparently his teacher was referring to the fact that he can now "pump" while on the swing.

Oops.

The baby update

Forgive me for not updating the blog sooner or faster. Today is the first day that I don't have any appointments, no company, or any real plans. I plan on just chilling out. And updating my blog.

The girls are doing very well. We're getting out of the house regularly, if only to the JCC to take Noah to school each day. I know I am supposed to be careful taking the girls into public because they are preemie's but it will never be as easy to take them out in public as it is now. For one they, all they really do is eat and sleep. Which means I can put them in their car seats and zip all over town and they will never wake up.

Health wise, they're also doing well. Abbie was polycythemic when she was born, which means that she has too many red blood cells. Her coloring was very ruddy and her hands and feet were purple/blue for a while. Frankly, she looked a little bit like a Smurf. Those numbers started coming down while we were in the hospital but then she developed jaundice as her liver tried to process the excess red blood cells. We did not spend any time in the NICU, but Abbie has been at the hospital for blood draws five out of the last six days days. Home health care also sent us a billi blanket, which is basically a band that wraps around her waist and emits a blue light that helps break down the excess blood cells. It also made her look more like a glow worm than a Smurf. The jaundice is not a big deal, but it's getting tiring having to go to the hospital everyday. The good news is that her number are continuing to go down and we don't have to use the blanket any more. We also don't have to be back at the hospital for blood work again until next week. Which is a very good thing when you consider how many times her little heels have been pricked.

In other news, Hannah also tested positive as a carrier for cystic fibrosis and she'll be going to the Children's Hospital for more blood work in the weeks ahead. This is not a huge surprise since I am CF positive and its only something she'll have to worry about when she is ready to have kids of her own. The way I see it, all of this is minor in comparison to what others have to deal with. We're not sure if Abbie is a carrier, but I don't think she is, which is further proof that the girls are fraternal twins and not identical.

And then there is Noah. He seems to be doing well with his sisters, but at times it's just as easy for him to ignore them. Noah continues to thrive at school and he's loving his teachers. He's also discovered the wonders of computers and his new favorite activity is playing games on our home computer. We signed him up for a computer class at school once a week and every morning when he sees his teacher the first thing he asks is if he can play on the computer. I like that he's interested in it, but it's also getting a bit obsessive. He could "play computer" all day long and be happy.

That's about it. We're going to the pediatrician tomorrow and I am working on the birth story (the long version) but that might take a while longer. On thing at a time.

Abbie sleeping

Hannah sleeping.

Noah and his sisters.

In the crib. Hannah is on the left, Abbie is on the right.