Paid for in Full

Eleven months after the fact, we have paid off the last of the hospital bills from the twin’s birth. I guess this means they are officially “ours” as they are now paid for in full. Woo-Hoo!

After we made the last payment to the hospital I asked them to send us a final invoice (indicating that the girls were paid for) that we could keep for our records. I didn’t understand what many of the charges were, but there were some that did make me laugh a little.

Oxygen: Which I don’t EVER remember receiving, but okay ($30).

Lanolin Ointment: The teeny-tiny tube of cream that you’re supposed to use for cracked nipples. You know, the stuff I now use on my lips when I can’t find my chapstick ($4.30).

Rupturing My Membranes (breaking my water): Hardly what I would call a pleasant experience especially at $65/per baby ($130). I believe telling Dan afterwards that it felt like I was being sexually violated. Clearly my definition of "a little pressure" was different from Dr. Feelgood's.

Hemorrhoidal Preparation H pads: For the hemorrhoids I was too embarrassed to tell my doctor about. Guess the secret is out now ($23.50).

The Epidural: Which was HANDS DOWN the best money ever spent! ($700). Interestingly, my epidural with Noah was $1,666.66.

Zolpidem: Otherwise known as Ambien. I don’t remember taking four of them (at $8.20 each), but I do remember waking up in the middle of the night as the nurses were trying to put my shirt back on. Why was I shirtless? Because in my Ambien daze the nurses “woke me up” to pump and I proceeded to pump both breasts at the same time for 20 minutes. This actually requires a fair amount of coordination (all the more impressive given my level of klutziness) and I have no memory of it whatsoever. Except for when the nurses were getting me dressed and putting me back to bed ($32.80).

I think I will put these in the baby books. Because every parent should save the receipt.