I Surrender

5:20am: Woke up.

5:30am: Abbie and Hannah wake up. Earlier than usual, but with this stomach thing they’ve had I figured they were hungry.

5:31am: Abbie downs her bottle like an alcoholic at an open bar. Hannah is more interested in playing than eating. Both girls are happy and in good moods.

5:45am: Girl go back to bed.

5:50 – 7am: I shower and get ready for work. So does Dan. We eventually wake up Noah and get his day going. We also notice a horribly pungent odor emanating from the girls bedroom.

7am: Wake babies. Diapers are nasty, but nothing out of the ordinary (how two cute little girls can produce sucked wicked smells is beyond me).

7:15am: Dan leaves to take Noah to the dentist

7:20am: Both girls start fussing. I give them both bottles. They are happy.

7:25am: Everyone and everything is loaded in the car. Babies are happily chugging bottles while I drive. And I am congratulating myself for getting out the door and mentally going all the things I need to accomplish at work today.

7:30am: Made it to Cactus and Tatum. On the phone with Dan who is lost and can’t find the dentist’s office. And then I hear an odd gurgling sound in the backseat.

7:31am: Pulled the car over. Abbie has puked all over herself and the other brand-spanking-new-overpriced-just-installed-by-the-City-of-Phoenix-Fire-Department car seat. And she’s smiling at me. So not happy.

7:32am: Mopped up the puke as best as possible and turn the car around. Trying to figure out what to do next. Hannah is just taking this all in like it's no big deal. Dan calls to ask me (again) where the dentist’s office is. I tell him that I don’t have time for this and perhaps he should have looked at mapquest last night (as I suggested) instead of playing Vampire Wars on Facebook. Bickering ensues.

7:40am: Get home. Put Hannah in jumperoo. . .where she eventually starts to cry. Strip Abbie down and bathe her in the sink (have I mentioned that I am completely dressed for work and I am wearing white? And I have make-up on and I am having a FABULOUS hair day?). Dress and diaper Abbie. Put her on the floor while I frantically try to clean the car seat.

7:55am: Dan calls to tell me they found the dentist and wants positive reinforcement. Really? So not going to happen. Finish dousing the interior of my car and all surfaces with Lysol.

7:58am: Load everyone into the car. Again.

8:15am: Abbie passes out. Get to the JCC without anyone vomiting. Small victory.

8:20am: Drop Hannah off at her class. Debate whether or not to leave Abbie. I can either take the day off and keep her home, or send her to school and risk her vomiting again. In which case I will have to leave work early and be forced to keep her home tomorrow.

8:30am: Start heading back to the car with Abbie. Who seems happy as can be about hanging out at home with me. Run into Dan in the JCC lobby.

8:35am: I announce in the middle of the JCC lobby to all that can hear that I give up. I quit. I am throwing the towel and going home.

All this drama and it wasn’t even 9am.

Since I’ve been home I’ve played with Abbie, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the car seat, gone through my work email, worked on the laundry, run the dishwasher and checked Facebook. Mind you, when Dan was home on Monday with Hannah he claimed he didn’t have time to change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom because he was “too busy taking care of the baby.”

I want a vacation. Me, a book, and a beach. And no kids.