Humiliating

Sorry for the serious post, but I have a few things to get off my chest.

Maimonides, (or Rambam), was a 12th century Jewish scholar and physician. Rambam wrote a code of Jewish law (the Mishnah Torah), based on the Rabbinic oral tradition. Rambam organized the different levels of tzedakah (charity) into a list from the least to the most honorable.

8. When donations are given grudgingly.

7. When one gives less than he should, but does so cheerfully.

6. When one gives directly to the poor upon being asked.

5. When one gives directly to the poor without being asked.

4. When the recipient is aware of the donor's identity, but the donor does not know the identity of the recipient.

3. When the donor is aware of the recipient's identity, but the recipient is unaware of the source.

2. When the donor and recipient are unknown to each other.

1. The highest form of charity is to help sustain a person before they become impoverished by offering a substantial gift in a dignified manner, or by extending a suitable loan, or by helping them find employment or establish themselves in business so as to make it unnecessary for them to become dependent on others.

We're in the process of applying for financial assistance to help meet the demands of our hefty preschool tuition bill. We are not poor. We have jobs, and are extraordinarily grateful for them. We make a good income, but like everyone else, we have bills that need to be paid. And daycare for three is not cheap, no matter where you go. But the cost of three in daycare is absolutely killing us financially and we need help. At the same time, it is not feasible for us to live on one income. It is what it is.

The process of applying for assistance has been humiliating and degrading. We have no idea who is on the decision making committee. We have no idea what they look at in making their decisions because there is zero transparency. However, the committee knows everything there is to know about our finances, income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. They know what we paid for our house and how much it's worth. They know the make and models of our cars and their value. They know everything from what we pay for groceries each month to how much we pay for our cell phones to how much credit card debt we have. We've submitted household budgets, pay stubs, tax returns, and a personal statement. And for the record, I don't know a single person who builds their budget using their gross monthly income. As we were asked to do (was the federal/state tax code abolished without us knowing?). Some of these documents have been submitted more than once. Then we had to complete yet another form explaining our finances where we had to "declare under penalty of perjury that the above information is correct."

We have not been treated with dignity as we've been literally forced to beg. We offered to work and donate our time in exchange for assistance. . . because in these challenging economic times agencies and individuals need to be collaborating and sharing resources. But our offer was summarily ignored. We, the intended recipient, have been forced to make our lives an open book. Whereas the donor took full advantage of the luxury and comfort that comes from remaining anonymous.

It sickens me (and yet tragically doesn't suprise me) that a Jewish agency can have such callous disregard for the people they are charged to serve, the mission they have been agreed to uphold, and the history that (allegedly) drives the work. I love the preschool for what it has given my children, and I loathe the agency they represent. Walking into the building makes me physically ill and I can feel my blood pressure rise as there are people I can no longer look in the eye out of shame that they know as much as they do about our life.

I have to believe that on some level Maimonides is rolling over in his grave at thought of what his legacy has become.