I think this picture speaks for itself. Hannah seems unfazed that there is a piece of cantaloupe stuck to her head.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Another sign that I don't have to worry about the Ivy League
I think this picture speaks for itself. Hannah seems unfazed that there is a piece of cantaloupe stuck to her head.
While the other kids were playing with blocks. . .
My kids were getting shit faced at 7:30 a.m.
Twin Tramp Stamps!
Getting ready to leave in the morning involves making breakfast and lunch for everyone, and we do a lot of back and forth to the refrigerator. So image our surprise when we discovered this:
The thought of preschool has driven Hannah and Abbie to drink. They just crawled up and helped themselves.
Working with the buzz, the preschool teachers thought it would be fun to do this:
Twin Tramp Stamps!
Yes. The gave the girls their very own (temporary) tattoo's. Hannah got a butterfly and Abbie got a Dragonfly. For the record, this is not something I would ever have done on my own. However, in the big scheme of things it's not a big deal and I chose to find the humor in the situation. On the bright side, at least we can tell them apart now!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Commando
Dan took Noah to see the Phoenix Mercury play last night. They had a good time and Noah stood five feet away from Amare Stoudamire and didn’t care because he was focusing on shooting baskets at the Kids Area.
They home from the game around 9:30 p.m. and I wanted to quickly get Noah changed and in bed. As he pulls off his shorts it dawned on me: the kid isn’t wearing any underwear.
Me: “Noah, how come you’re not wearing any underwear?
Noah: “Because Daddy didn’t give me any. Daddy, this is YOUR FAULT” (said while pointing accusingly at Dan).
Dan: “Toby, this is so not my fault. I gave him shorts to wear. He didn’t tell me he needed underwear.”
Here is what I think happened.
Noah came home from camp wearing a bathing suit. In the rush to get ready for the game and get out the door, I asked Dan to give Noah a pair of shorts. Which he did. Except Dan failed to realize that one typically wears underwear with their clothing. . .especially if they are 4.5 and going out in public. So Noah dutifully took off his bathing suit, put on the shorts, and didn’t think to tell his father that he wasn’t wearing underwear. And Dan neglected to ask him because Noah didn’t say anything.
Dan and Noah’s underwear seem to be a reoccurring theme in our household. On more than one occasion Noah has been out in public wearing both boxer shorts AND underwear. How did this happen? Noah often wears boxers as shorts when he sleeps. So when Dan asked him to dress himself, he did. And when Noah came back wearing regular shorts he just assumed that Noah followed directions. It’s 100+ degrees outside and my son is wear three layers of clothing because his father didn’t think it was necessary to “check his work.”
Is this a guy thing? Because honestly, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.
They home from the game around 9:30 p.m. and I wanted to quickly get Noah changed and in bed. As he pulls off his shorts it dawned on me: the kid isn’t wearing any underwear.
Me: “Noah, how come you’re not wearing any underwear?
Noah: “Because Daddy didn’t give me any. Daddy, this is YOUR FAULT” (said while pointing accusingly at Dan).
Dan: “Toby, this is so not my fault. I gave him shorts to wear. He didn’t tell me he needed underwear.”
Here is what I think happened.
Noah came home from camp wearing a bathing suit. In the rush to get ready for the game and get out the door, I asked Dan to give Noah a pair of shorts. Which he did. Except Dan failed to realize that one typically wears underwear with their clothing. . .especially if they are 4.5 and going out in public. So Noah dutifully took off his bathing suit, put on the shorts, and didn’t think to tell his father that he wasn’t wearing underwear. And Dan neglected to ask him because Noah didn’t say anything.
Dan and Noah’s underwear seem to be a reoccurring theme in our household. On more than one occasion Noah has been out in public wearing both boxer shorts AND underwear. How did this happen? Noah often wears boxers as shorts when he sleeps. So when Dan asked him to dress himself, he did. And when Noah came back wearing regular shorts he just assumed that Noah followed directions. It’s 100+ degrees outside and my son is wear three layers of clothing because his father didn’t think it was necessary to “check his work.”
Is this a guy thing? Because honestly, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
It's Always Something. . .
Noah was sick over the weekend. Nothing major, he was lethargic with a low-grade fever that never went above 100 degrees. We though it might be a case of “too much camp.” These kids are so busy and doing so much that they come home exhausted. I tried taking Noah to the local Minute Clinic at CVS thinking that he might have a sinus or ear infection but that didn’t exactly work out as planned. I waited in the lobby for 45 minutes before being ushered into the exam room. The guy didn’t ask out names and after I spent 60 seoconds minutes explaining Noah’s symptoms he signaled “timeout” and asked me what my insurance was. I told him, and he promptly replied, “We don’t take that insurance. Didn’t you see the sign in the lobby?” Clearly not (asshole). Do you think I would have waited here with a sick kid for 45 minutes if I had seen it?
But I digress.
Noah was fine by Monday morning. A little tired, but we sent him to camp anyway with instructions that he was not to go swimming. Monday night we discovered a couple of things:
* A girl in his class was also sick. Lethargic with a low-grade fever.
* A kid in the camp for older kids was diagnosed with Swine Flu.
* And the mother of little boy in Noah’s class posted on Facebook that her son also had the flu and they suspected it was Swine Flu too. Also lethargic with a low-grade fever.
So now I am a little worried.
In the meantime, Noah woke Tuesday morning a little hoarse, half the preschool parents are now freaking out because of a potential Swine Flu outbreak, and Noah decided it would be a good idea to announce on the playground in front of ALL OF THE PRE-K TEACHERS that “he was sick but his mommy gave him Tylenol so he wouldn’t have a fever and so he could still go to camp.”
Fabulous. Now I have the entire Pre-K faculty at the JCC pissed at me because Noah is hoarse, may have the Swine Flu, and his selfish mother drugged him and sent him to school (where he can infect the teachers) so she could go to work and earn a living in order to help pay for his overpriced private preschool experience.
But there is a more important question that needs to be addressed. I realize that Noah is bigger than the other kids. That he looks older. And that his language skills are more developed than most of the other kids. But Noah is still 4 ½. Since when do we believe everything that comes out of a 4 ½ year olds mouth? This is the same kid who thinks that giants can use the earth as a basketball and that they like to dribble.
For the record, we hadn’t given Noah any medicine since Sunday. And a quick trip to the pediatrician’s office confirmed that he had a virus. Not the Swine Flu. As a result, Tuesday night was spent on damage control. Which consisted of me reassuring his teachers (via email/Facebook/and in person) that Noah was f-i-n-e and not contagious.
I need a vacation. And a drink with an umbrella in it wouldn’t hurt either.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fishing for Compliments
It’s not secret to most of my friends that I’ve spent a considerable amount of time over the years visiting pregnancy and parenting message board. During my pregnancy with Noah, online was the only place I could go to ask questions of other moms to be. We didn’t have a wide circle of friends that had children, and then after Noah was born we simply didn’t have any friends in Arizona with kids. We were flying blind, but going online for support made me feel better.
For the most part, I mostly read when I visit online communities. I am not a prolific poster for a couple of reasons. Most of the time it’s because someone else has already said what I would say, or because I am lazy. Over the years, I’ve become pretty savvy about online communities and the personalities that participate.
The Drama Queens: They can’t go to the bathroom without there being some type of crisis that makes it a less than spectacular experience. These moms flip out on anyone who looks at them or their children sideways. Though generally kind and well-meaning, the Drama Queens are almost always worried about something. And more often than not, that something is minor.
The Complainers: Someone is always doing something to make them mad and piss them off. This would include husbands, in-laws, their OBGYNS/pediatricians, teachers, boyfriends, siblings, friends, and other children. The women in this category are notorious for making other people’s problems their problems. You sometimes want to reach out and grab them and say, “Why do you give a shit that your pregnant sister in law is throwing a hissy fit because she didn’t get the stroller she wanted?” The Complainers have also never been wrong about anything. Ever.
The Experts: In every online community there are 2-3 moms who are simply perfect. They are usually BTDT (been there, done that) moms who may not know everything about everything (and will admit it), but people treat them as such. Other members look to them for advice and leadership. Someone can post a question and 15 people and respond with the same answer. But if the 16th response comes from an Expert it will be received as gospel. Other women seek them out for their wisdom and support. And Experts often achieve their status by posting a response to every single message on a board. Their is power is numbers.
The “I-Would-NEVER” Moms: These are the moms who WOULD NEVER give their baby formula. Who WOULD NEVER vaccinate their children. Who WOULD NEVER let their babies “cry-it-out” and who WOULD NEVER circumcise their sons. And Who WOULD NEVER give birth in a hospital with an epidural. These same moms also WOULD NEVER pass judgment on another mom because women need “to make the best decision for you and your baby” (wink-wink).
The Cheerleaders: No matter what someone posts, they are loving and supportive. I used to belong to a community where a member posted that her five kids were removed from the home by CPS. The Cheerleaders rallied around her, reassuring her that she’s a terrific mom (whom they had never met in real life) and that CPS doesn’t know their ass from their elbow (which they do) and that this was all a mistake (which is wasn’t, since the kids weren’t returned for 18 months).
The Attention Seekers: These women have yet to realize that if I Google their screen name I can find out everything about them except their social security number. They relentlessly post personal information (and pictures!) about themselves online. Including but not limited to: husbands, children, fertility history, sex life, political views, financial history, educational background, and place of residence. Many seem to think that knowing someone “online” is the same thing as knowing someone “IRL” (in real life).
Which brings me to a post I saw today. Read the message below and see if you can figure out what category she belongs in:
Discussion title: Ready for summer? Be brave ladies.
Replies:32
From: XXXX
Date: Jun 2 4:06 pm
We have been in the pool for nearly a month now and will practically live in it for the next 4-5mo so I am really excited for lots of swimming as things get really hot around here in Arizona.
Are you ready???? Okie dokie ladies, are you brave enough to show your 2009 swim suit? I went pink, what do you think??? Every year I get a new suit, I love 'em.
And there itwas. Below her elaborate signature and myriad of blinkies (including one designed to look like a House of Pancakes Billboard that said, “Boobie House, open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year) was a picture. Of her posing seductively in hot pink bikini.
She didn’t create this post for feedback on her swimsuit. She was fishing for compliments on how she looked in her swimsuit. That’s exactly what 31 other posters did. They RAVED about how after three kids she didn’t have any stretch marks and how awesome she looked. And while a few other women bravely (stupidly?) posted pictures of themselves in bathing suits and she politely complimented them on how they looked, that really wasn’t the point of her post, was it?
But the pièce de résistance is this: the mom who bragged about quitting breastfeeding so she could get a boob job posted a picture of herself (and her MONSTER "bewbies") in a bikini with the following message, "Good thing I bought those bewbies to even out those big hips! ha!"
Am I missing something? And by the way, if you speak like a baby and refers to your breasts as "bewbies" then I question you maturity to get them in the first place.
For the most part, I mostly read when I visit online communities. I am not a prolific poster for a couple of reasons. Most of the time it’s because someone else has already said what I would say, or because I am lazy. Over the years, I’ve become pretty savvy about online communities and the personalities that participate.
The Drama Queens: They can’t go to the bathroom without there being some type of crisis that makes it a less than spectacular experience. These moms flip out on anyone who looks at them or their children sideways. Though generally kind and well-meaning, the Drama Queens are almost always worried about something. And more often than not, that something is minor.
The Complainers: Someone is always doing something to make them mad and piss them off. This would include husbands, in-laws, their OBGYNS/pediatricians, teachers, boyfriends, siblings, friends, and other children. The women in this category are notorious for making other people’s problems their problems. You sometimes want to reach out and grab them and say, “Why do you give a shit that your pregnant sister in law is throwing a hissy fit because she didn’t get the stroller she wanted?” The Complainers have also never been wrong about anything. Ever.
The Experts: In every online community there are 2-3 moms who are simply perfect. They are usually BTDT (been there, done that) moms who may not know everything about everything (and will admit it), but people treat them as such. Other members look to them for advice and leadership. Someone can post a question and 15 people and respond with the same answer. But if the 16th response comes from an Expert it will be received as gospel. Other women seek them out for their wisdom and support. And Experts often achieve their status by posting a response to every single message on a board. Their is power is numbers.
The “I-Would-NEVER” Moms: These are the moms who WOULD NEVER give their baby formula. Who WOULD NEVER vaccinate their children. Who WOULD NEVER let their babies “cry-it-out” and who WOULD NEVER circumcise their sons. And Who WOULD NEVER give birth in a hospital with an epidural. These same moms also WOULD NEVER pass judgment on another mom because women need “to make the best decision for you and your baby” (wink-wink).
The Cheerleaders: No matter what someone posts, they are loving and supportive. I used to belong to a community where a member posted that her five kids were removed from the home by CPS. The Cheerleaders rallied around her, reassuring her that she’s a terrific mom (whom they had never met in real life) and that CPS doesn’t know their ass from their elbow (which they do) and that this was all a mistake (which is wasn’t, since the kids weren’t returned for 18 months).
The Attention Seekers: These women have yet to realize that if I Google their screen name I can find out everything about them except their social security number. They relentlessly post personal information (and pictures!) about themselves online. Including but not limited to: husbands, children, fertility history, sex life, political views, financial history, educational background, and place of residence. Many seem to think that knowing someone “online” is the same thing as knowing someone “IRL” (in real life).
Which brings me to a post I saw today. Read the message below and see if you can figure out what category she belongs in:
Discussion title: Ready for summer? Be brave ladies.
Replies:32
From: XXXX
Date: Jun 2 4:06 pm
We have been in the pool for nearly a month now and will practically live in it for the next 4-5mo so I am really excited for lots of swimming as things get really hot around here in Arizona.
Are you ready???? Okie dokie ladies, are you brave enough to show your 2009 swim suit? I went pink, what do you think??? Every year I get a new suit, I love 'em.
And there itwas. Below her elaborate signature and myriad of blinkies (including one designed to look like a House of Pancakes Billboard that said, “Boobie House, open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year) was a picture. Of her posing seductively in hot pink bikini.
She didn’t create this post for feedback on her swimsuit. She was fishing for compliments on how she looked in her swimsuit. That’s exactly what 31 other posters did. They RAVED about how after three kids she didn’t have any stretch marks and how awesome she looked. And while a few other women bravely (stupidly?) posted pictures of themselves in bathing suits and she politely complimented them on how they looked, that really wasn’t the point of her post, was it?
But the pièce de résistance is this: the mom who bragged about quitting breastfeeding so she could get a boob job posted a picture of herself (and her MONSTER "bewbies") in a bikini with the following message, "Good thing I bought those bewbies to even out those big hips! ha!"
Am I missing something? And by the way, if you speak like a baby and refers to your breasts as "bewbies" then I question you maturity to get them in the first place.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
He's Really a Native
Last night I was watching Michael Jackson video's on You Tube, including the full length "Thriller" video. Noah came in the room and wanted to watch. Since it was 8:30p.m. , I didn't think a 4.5 year old watching zombie's was a smart move (I had visions of nightmares at 3am). But he persisted and I explained that this was just a movie and that these were pretend monsters.
To which Noah replied:
"Monsters don't live in Arizona. It's too hot for them to live here."
He totally gets it.
To which Noah replied:
"Monsters don't live in Arizona. It's too hot for them to live here."
He totally gets it.
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